so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
