my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
