Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
