There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
