It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
