I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
this hospital has no fireball
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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