but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
worst night to have a conscience
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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