can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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