You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
