so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
