WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
