i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
