Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
