i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
