he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
