how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
