I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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