Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
