I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
