You really coming over, don't trick.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
