Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
