Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
