Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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