Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
