Where did you get a picture of my penis
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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