my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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