And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
