on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
