i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
