Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
