so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
