No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
