I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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