I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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