You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
