Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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