is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
