she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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