sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
