I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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