good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
