Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
