I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
