i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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