This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
