you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
