I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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