One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
