I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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