I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
