I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
