I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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