i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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