if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
