you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
