i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
