honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
